Over the last few days, the Lord has laid random words on my heart to focus on. One of them is “slow”. Really, “slow down”. Hasn’t our culture become one that is always trying to get to the next “thing”? Rushing, rushing, rushing until it is accomplished.
That is how I have become with our adoption. In my heart, I have been wishing away the next 18 months so that we could have a family. 18 months is a looong time to wish away. To not enjoy. To not enjoy the moment…these moments that are fleeting and ones I will never get back. To be too busy focused on me and not on God’s voice.
Adam had texted me a couple of days ago and said he wanted to surprise me with something that would be fun for both of us. When we discussed how much it was going to be, I said I don’t think we should do it because we could be saving that money towards our adoption fund. He agreed that adoption is expensive, but (and I love this..) he reminded me that “we can’t lose sight of the small things in the mean time.” There is a whole lot of life waiting to be enjoyed in 18 months.
And there’s a whole lot of work God is doing..daily! It’s scary to think how easy it is to be self-absorbed and miss out on what God is trying to speak to me each day. I am reminded of the passage in Luke 24. Jesus had been dead for 3 days. His followers were in deep mourning. 2 guys were walking down the road discussing the events of the past week and along came Jesus, alive, and was walking beside them, talking to them. They had no idea it was their Jesus who was speaking right to them. They were too focused on their hurt and the tragedy of losing Him. How often am I that guy..Jesus right next to me, walking, talking, trying to get my attention..but I am too focused on my own stuff. Too focused on getting paperwork done as quickly as possible so our 18 months can be over and done with.
It’s this time in between that I don’t want to miss out on. Really. This is when God’s voice is loudest, He shines the brightest, and is most glorified.
So as I wait, I do have peace. Hard, yes. But it is there…most days:) And I am giving all I can to enjoy today, each day…time is such a gift.
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
So many of you have been so sweet and asking if it is OK to ask us how our adoption is going. Of course it is!:) Unfortunately, we continue to have no new news. Carolina Adoption Services have been approved to be re-accredited in Moldova and they are waiting on some of the final steps from the Moldovan government. So, this is positive. When will we find out? Who knows! We just keep pressing on..we have to complete a bunch of pre-adoptive education online and we just have not had the time or energy to do it. If you could pray for us to get this completed, we would greatly appreciate it. Thank you!:)
Counting the blessings:
A close friend of mine e-mailed me about a month ago and said that she was praying for us. Her specific prayer was that I would find another mom who was trying to adopt from Moldova so we could help support each other. Sure enough, I got a message on Facebook a few days later from a friend who lives in Colorado. She had met a woman at her church that was trying to adopt from Moldova and wants us to stay in touch. God is good, isn’t He?
Every so often, I wish we had something physical to remind us that a baby is on the way. An ultrasound. A growing stomach. A sure timeline of 9 months. Anything. But with those fleeting thoughts comes conviction. Sometimes a whisper. Sometimes a shout. Jesus reminding me “I AM enough”. His fingerprints have been on this whole journey. I don’t want to miss Him~His voice, His convictions, His encouragement. The Lord HAS to be my number one desire. HE has to be the source of my joy. Nothing else can bring full satisfaction. Friends can disappoint us. Jobs can leave us. Marriages can fail. Kids can make bad decisions. Jesus is the only constant. He is the same yesterday, today, and forever. His grace is sufficient in our weakness. Through pain, He brings peace that passes all understanding. His love is unfailing. He came to give us fullness of life. I was reading yesterday how the name that God calls himself “I AM” is present tense. He loves you today, He is with you today, and He wants to be your number one …forever.
My deepest desire is to be a mom and have blessed chaos in our small apartment. But if it never happens and the only thing I come out of this is with a deeper relationship with the Lord..not just knowing about Him, but knowing Him…I will have won. Actually, I already have won.
So, come and stretch with me:) I would love to hear what God is doing in your life. He loves you like crazy and so do I! Thank you for checking in on us:)
Psalm 91:2 “This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; He is my God and I trust Him.”