Over the last few days, the Lord has laid random words on my heart to focus on. One of them is “slow”. Really, “slow down”. Hasn’t our culture become one that is always trying to get to the next “thing”? Rushing, rushing, rushing until it is accomplished.
That is how I have become with our adoption. In my heart, I have been wishing away the next 18 months so that we could have a family. 18 months is a looong time to wish away. To not enjoy. To not enjoy the moment…these moments that are fleeting and ones I will never get back. To be too busy focused on me and not on God’s voice.
Adam had texted me a couple of days ago and said he wanted to surprise me with something that would be fun for both of us. When we discussed how much it was going to be, I said I don’t think we should do it because we could be saving that money towards our adoption fund. He agreed that adoption is expensive, but (and I love this..) he reminded me that “we can’t lose sight of the small things in the mean time.” There is a whole lot of life waiting to be enjoyed in 18 months.
And there’s a whole lot of work God is doing..daily! It’s scary to think how easy it is to be self-absorbed and miss out on what God is trying to speak to me each day. I am reminded of the passage in Luke 24. Jesus had been dead for 3 days. His followers were in deep mourning. 2 guys were walking down the road discussing the events of the past week and along came Jesus, alive, and was walking beside them, talking to them. They had no idea it was their Jesus who was speaking right to them. They were too focused on their hurt and the tragedy of losing Him. How often am I that guy..Jesus right next to me, walking, talking, trying to get my attention..but I am too focused on my own stuff. Too focused on getting paperwork done as quickly as possible so our 18 months can be over and done with.
It’s this time in between that I don’t want to miss out on. Really. This is when God’s voice is loudest, He shines the brightest, and is most glorified.
So as I wait, I do have peace. Hard, yes. But it is there…most days:) And I am giving all I can to enjoy today, each day…time is such a gift.
“Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:10
“Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7