Reflections Part 1: Adoption

So many of you have been asking how life is: asking about adoption, life as a mother, and how I have been feeling since our miscarriage. So I thought I would do 3 separate posts. It was going to be 1..but was waaayyyy too long. 🙂

As most of you know, our adoption with Hope’s birth family is open. This means we have unlimited contact with them. We have chosen to give them our phone number so they can call any time to hear how Hope is. We continue to update our private Facebook page on a weekly basis so they can see Hope grow. For Christmas, we made a scrapbook of each month since her birth so they have something special for her.
We have also skyped with them so they got to see Hope ‘live”. That was such a joy.
We wouldn’t have it any other way. We are so comfortable with them. They are our family! What a gift to them as well as to Hope. It brings me so much happiness knowing that she will grow up knowing her birth family. When she is old enough, it will be her ultimate choice to decide what she wants to do with that. But my prayer is that by her being brought up with knowing them, she will continue to want to foster that relationship.
One thing I had been dealing with is guilt. Guilt of being overjoyed with Hope, while Tami has been grieving. Guilt of taking her daughter, even tho I know she chose us to raise Hope. It started the moment we said goodbye to Tami and Joe in the hospital. I almost told her I couldn’t do it. My heart broke for her. Tami and I hugged each other for so long, I am pretty sure neither of us wanted to let go. Phone conversations for me after that were initially awkward. I struggled with sounding excited about Hope, struggled with calling myself her Mom, etc. I am so thankful for some friends who are adoptive moms who said this is normal. It has gotten so much better for me. Tami loves to see Hope with us…it brings her so much comfort in knowing how loved Hope is.
Many of you have asked how Tami is doing. That is one thing I can’t bring myself to ask. I can’t know because of this guilt I had been battling with that I just shared about. It seems, from what I can tell, her grief has eased. But let’s be honest, this is something that she will think about every day. Our conversations are always upbeat..we talk like we have been friends for a long time. So, I just leave it at that. I pray constantly that she has a support network around her.
One amazing answer to prayer is that long before we were matched, I had been praying for whoever this lovely woman would be. My heart’s prayer was that she would be surrounded by someone..anyone…who could pray for her and give her the comfort that only Jesus can bring. Come to find out, 2 of Tami’s relatives are strong Christians! (At least from what I can tell and what small interaction I have had with them.) And I know they have reached out to Tami (as she has allowed) to tell her about Jesus. What an answer to prayer!Some have asked when we will tell Hope about her family. Well, it is always part of our conversation. On occasion, I show Hope pictures of her birth family and say their names. I will start doing this more often now that she is alert and pays attention to everything. We want her to now them, to know how much she is loved by them, and to know that she has 2 sets of parents that care for her deeply.
Adoption has been nothing short of a miracle for us. And the blessing of having an open relationship with Hope’s family is just beautiful. We are so grateful and humbled by God’s faithfulness to us. He is the God of the impossible and makes all things beautiful in His time. We given Him all the glory.